Hiding.

That simple question holds me still
An answer I've yet to reveal
The knowledge that I will not seek
The pains that bring me to the brink

You wonder why I here now stand
Before you, as this scared woman
You wonder why I'll let you see
Fear, that forced me to believe
That everything inside me's foul
And I am only headed down

In honesty, I've no response
To admit would reveal my curse
The curse that brings the other out
Which traps me in this home of doubt
The curse that began years ago
Reminded by the subtler show
The trials that I lately faced
Nudged by you, repression traced

I know I'm slipping down and back
But part retains a hopeful stance
And in your eyes, though I'm hiding
I'm not hiding from everything
Now.

There's this little place inside my mind
Where everything is fear
I hear the world that passes by
and watch myself be "real"
It's hard to stop a trick of tongue
A lapse in judgement
Bits of fun
It's hard to keep the pain outside
When everything's in here.
I'll never find my way.

Hesitance and Confidence

Through hesitance and confidence
You build me up
You drop your hints
You bring me close
Then pull away
You ask me, leave
You tell me, stay
You keep us in a guessing game
And I've no room for faults.

Mothers

If I could crawl into that part of me that used to hold you close
Then I might get back that piece of me I left for you to hold
And replace all affections that I since have left behind
To let another person love the panic that's inside.