Inner Beauty.

I'm not this
"Gorgeous"
This word you dwell on
In her.
I'm not the classic
"Beauty"
That these paintings say
I should.
I'm not so model
"Perfect"
As on every simple
Show.
I'm not a picture;
Not a doll;
Not a prize;
And I fall short.
But in me,
There is more.

Merry Christmas

Where is this feeling
This sweet elation
This, unexpected
Bliss?
Not here.

In this bustle
I am lost
I feel your sweater,
her foot,
his knee,
as they bump against me
in a hurry to buy
the next item
on their list.

No.

As cherished
As the handprint
On the heart you never touched
A memory
Of a heartache
A memory; misplaced trust
As useful
As the kind words
That we chose to leave unsaid
And you've left
Here, behind you
Still a loving, gentle friend.

Invulnerable

For all the times I've had to leave
For all the pain I've made you see
I hope one day that you could be
Invulnerable
To loving me.

For Sadness.

your Shoulder, touch
my mind, my love
my heart, entwined
with Death, and wine
a Blister
on the flesh
what stings
a Token
of unraveled strings
a caress of
the deepest Night
and Sighs
and Lies
we cry
for Hope.

The Angel

As fire
true
and strong
yet left,
Two twigs
upon
the Angel met,
A mind
unwhole
yet moved
and set,
A life
I live
A known
Forget.

Best Friends.

Disastrous as I was
Back then
I'm now and will be
You're best friend
We spent the time
We took it slow
We made it work
We worked it so
It's not attraction
Draws us close
But understanding
And happiness.

Myself.

Not Proud
I'd say.
Problematic
I think.
I press on.
Perfectly Imperfect.
Immorally Moral.
Me.

Afraid.

Not afraid
Of past
Present
Not afraid
To feel
Quite afraid
Of what I think
Of knowing
What I feel.

Lacking.

For once,
I find myself Lacking
Lacking
Words.

I am an author
I Write.
And you,
Barely attempt to read,
but always know
I Exist.

I Am
An Author
And I am Lacking
Words.

Clueless?

Once, I dreamt
You were there--
Clueless
I think,
You knew.

Music

If music fell from trees
As leaves do fall each day
Then I would praise the fall
And know with all my heart that
There's nothing left to fear
When there's music in my ears.

Scarred.

This scar
Is nothing
If not, disastrous
There is nothing here
In the discolored flesh
That I would ever call "beautiful"
You say,
The scars of love
Should be admired
But, I still felt the pain.

Fear is Hope.

I'm scared
That she'll mess up
One day
And make me look a fool
I'm scared
That what she'll have to say
Will shock
And still the world
I'm scared
That I might start a change
And scared
That I won't see the day
Where change
Becomes, reality.

Picture Perfect Dolls.

You called it picture perfect
The smile that I held
A snapshot, of a falsity
A picture of my hell
The wooden chair legs bend and snap
Beneath my human frame
This dollhouse was not meant for me
And I am not its slave.

Retracing Steps.

The strangest part of falling
Is getting to your feet
Then falling yet again, again
And feeling incomplete
Then going back to find that thing
You thought that you had lost
And when you find, you'll be surprised
It wasn't lost at all.

"The One"

We search all our lives
For "The One"
The One is the answer
The One will solve
Everything
We search, and realize
One day
It's not the "who"
It's the "when"
When you're ready
For love.

Barbed Wire Heart

Your heart
As a child
Learns by mimetic instinct.
You've seen love,
therefore, you feel it.
You've seen affection
therefore, you display it.
And you can't imagine,
Because you've never known
The pain-a heart
Of barbed wire
I've been there.
I'd say,
I'm a bit rough around the edges.

Mr. Fuzzles

I call you, Mother
You call me, Sir
Mr. Fuzzles
The Teddy
At the foot of your bed.
I'm a constant,
Since you were young
But, I don't age
And I've smelt of the closet
Since day one.
And there you keep me, now
That you've "Moved On"
Because, Teddies are for children
And you're a "Big Girl".
You use the "Big Girl" toilet
And the "Big Girl" bed
And, you do your hair yourself
Like a "Big Girl".
I call you, Mother
You called me, Sir
Mr. Fuzzles
The Teddy
At the foot of your bed.
You've "Moved On"
You've "Grown Up"
But me, I'm made of stuffing
And I won't change.

IDEA!

I've got it!
We can run--
So far!
And oh, so very near
I think
I've got it!
When we run
So fast
I'll let you call me dear
Oh, how
I've got it!
And you've yet to see
Spectacular--
That is, it's me
I've got it!
But
We've yet to be
Impressed
With mediocrity.

Captive.

Remember, when I used to be
A catastrophe; monstrosity
Remember, when I used to be
A lie;Deserving detainee
To life--as it was to me then
Living--as it has been since
A part now
Of a great spectrum
And I can live it
All for fun
But you could hold me
Captive.

Numb.

I'm in love
Because
I'm numb
I'm in love
With this.
I'm in love
Because
I'm gone
I'm in love
With bliss.
I'm in love
With OTC
I'm in love
With BUD
I'm in love
With ALC
I'm in love
With BOB
I'm in love
With anything
That brings us to
This state.
I'm in love
With everything
As long as it's
Not late.
And why?
Because I'm in love
With numb.

If.

"If" is funny
So incomplete
"If" I live
Will you live with me?
Or, more common
In our game
"If" I live
Will you die for me?
And "If" we die
Will you be upset?
For "If" we die
We will truly live.

Uhoh.

I try,
I fail,
I try again
I raise the bar
You shake your head
I feel, you're built
In discontent
And I will try no more.
The question now,
Is how to say
I don't love you
I love him.

Words

Words are sweet
When full of life
Words are of
Devotion
Words, are fires
Built to climb
Not a smoke heap
A blaze
Words can change
Like nothing can
The way you see
The world
Words, can change
The way you look
Upon, that
Silly Girl.

Push On .

Wait, for that little bit
Of Recognition
The slight
Misinformation
The unobservant
The hesitant
Wait
And then,
Push on.

Dreams

If we were made of dreams,
If all of life were fantasies,
If the truth would just be fine,
If the lies could be alright,
If the pleasure and the pain were all,
That we had left this day,
Then I swear, I'd find a way,
Back to you.

Love, Lies, and Nothing.

I love.
It's my best kept secret
And my biggest mistake
You're the one that I would turn to
If I wouldn't seem so fake
I lie.
It's to protect me
From the dreams that we have crushed
And I die inside to know
That we could love so very much
And still,
We are nothing.

Bittersweet

You're a bittersweet inamorate
A teasing taste of sweet moments
A diphthong in the word discontent
And I'm still here , again.

Easy.

She wishes on stars when dreams do fail
And hopes one day they'll find her near
And lets it go to stop the war
But always wants for more.

Wordart

Did you think I'd fall for words
Falling quickly from your mouth?
Did you think I'd be impressed
They passed your brain on the way out?
Did you think for just a second
That I might want a bit more?
Did you think, for just a minute
That you've given less than stored?
Did you stop to just consider
That I wanted something else?
Did you stop, to just consider
That what I wanted was yourself?
If words would pass your thoughtful lips
I'd tell you, you should write
But words are nothing to a mind
That's lived a long hard life
I don't care if you can speak
And call it from the heart
What I desire you possess
And that is not loveless art.

ONE HUNDRED POEMS!

Who'd have thought
In some short weeks
A hundred poems fell
A hundred now
Of love and tears
A hundred of my hells.

Who'd have thought
In some short weeks
You'd stay to read them all
And as you read
With me right now
You won't let yourself fall.

My poems may be virtuous
Or crude, and cruel, obscene
My poems may be etched in blood
Or sculpted by our hands
But through all these one hundred
I have shared with you my hope
My love, my caring, devotion
And you take what you must.

Time

If I live in the present
And you have yet to live
Then where are you right now
When I am sending a message?
You say you live for future
But you're grounded in today
And today is made of what we do
And what passed yesterday.
The future that you live for
Is built upon the past
And the future that you live for
Is making time move fast
You have to let it go
And learn to turn the other cheek
To love as truly as you wish
To live for what you seek.

Turn.

I think,
We're just friends
But I think,
I could pretend
And go against the odds
And go against the view
And show to you a part of me
That's only built for you
You'd have to take a turn
Have to go a different way
You'd have to leave that boy behind
And start to live this way
I know that there's a part of you
That's smaller than the rest
That wants to see me as I you
That wants to see the best
I know that there's a part of you
That's turned the other cheek
And I think one day, that it might do
To show you what I see.

NY Buddies.

It's odd to think
That though once we were friends
Your face could seem unfamiliar
And strange to think
That though we are far
We still could be so together
I remember laughs with you
Talking in the dark
I remember when I hid
So close and yet so far
My parents came to pick me up
You said I was there to stay
And now we wouldn't do that
But I look back at that day
And think,
How times have changed.

Jeffrey Heiman.

When falling in love
It's hard to imagine
Anything, quite so right
But beyond expectation
Is what you receive
Not your lover,
A friend, as your life
You keep the dream going
You build up the plot
You reach the best climax
Then quickly you drop
The drop is you noticing
All that you've had
And all that you've taken
For granted in them
This is my promise,
For now till the end
That even through time,
Space, and love
You're my friend.

Worse for Wear

You made me feel,
Just like before
Before I took that fall.
Before all of my love was took
My broken mind
My crossed-out book
The pain I thought would never leave
Gut-wrenching
And mundane.
You made me feel,
Just like before
Before I took that fall.
And even though you shot your bow
And even though you hit me low
And even though you were to strike
And even though I did not fight
I'm not the worse for wear
Your not the first
I've healed.

Flourescents.

The timeline, was not disturbed
Until you fell, to hurtful words
Then didn't realize, and now you know
The poems written full of woe
Were written fore we'd ever split
Or written fore we'd ever met
You're not the loss that you might think
The colors, I have come to see
Are from my own breathtaking heart
Relinquished their hold in the dark
They fling me out, where there I strobe
In softs, flourescents, pinks, and golds
And I remember how I once said,
I'm invincible.

AABAAB

The green in your eyes
Is the green of goodbyes
Where memories drift, as the ocean.
And in your sad eyes
I find I am surprised
By the level of your sweet devotion.

Georgia

I write my poems in the simplest script
Then translate to Georgia for your eyes
Though the words don't change
I feel as though
The tone is lost in translation.

Blues

If blue is for sadness
Than you've defied the rainbow
For in your eyes
Is nothing I could ever call
Melancholy

Toy Hampster

My toy hampster, a gift
If not a cruel prank
Keeps running, in its little wheel
Unaffected by its surroundings
Unthinking, simple clockwork
And it seems, sometimes
I find myself jealous.

Mourning Periods are Unneccessary.

You told me at the last second
You let me know, that's how it is
You wanted me to stay with you
You wanted me to love it, too
You didn't want me quite upset
But wanted you to be more fit
You tried to keep controlling me
But how it is, and it will be
I'm not going to mourn this loss
You're gone and I am moving on
You can't judge what you've never known
So let me live, and let it go.

Kickball.

Why do I always pick myself
To decide what's for the best?
I'm the shortest player on the team
The weakest link, with no esteem
I can not kick the ball past first
I can't run quick, I can't get worse
It's as though we're playing kickball
And we have to split the class
And looking now I know
If I were the captain,
I'd pick me last.

Good, Old fashioned, Safetynet.

Once, I would have told you
To stay here by my side
And distance would be nothing but
Imagination's measured lines
But then I saw the world one day
I think that you did too
But where you saw the reds of love
I saw the blacks of truth
You introduced those colored
And I opened up my heart
But when you asked to pick and choose
I was cradled by the dark.

The five sided box.

It's a maze of brush and shrubbery
The perfect mesh catastrophe
A run of flames and fire within
The pillow that is laced with sin
We try to let ourselves run free
But here we stand, and here we'll be
We try to find an opening
But all has boxed us in, and
The only way out,
Is up.

Untitled.

I don't know why
But I'm impressed
You snap your fingers
I fall right in
The trap you've set
Is rather nice
A prison that
I've come to like
I may be a fool
For loving you
But whose the fool
That led me to?

Bad Dreams.

I remember being wild
Dancing with the moon
The revelries of moonlit days
And sleepless nights without refrain
I remember way back when
I just was meant to feel
But when I fell in love with you
I knew that that would never do
I have the dreams that haunt my nights
And toss and turn in mental fights
The struggle that I feel with you
Though fought well, and fought so true
That almost hateful point of view
That keeps my mind in check
I'm holding to a peeling edge
Though holding on, too, to this lens
Distorted visions fill my head
And almost fill my mind with dread
And I'm not used to this
Protectiveness.

Nightmares.

I've found myself clinging to
Those little pieces of you
I have to hold
Though it seems that
When I find myself most comfortable
Come the nightmares.

Incomplete.

Remember, how we were as one
A sweet memory of the sun
To swing with me beneath the trees
In cherry orchards, on our knees
Prancing with the antelope
And held together by a rope
A stronger bond contained us then
Then anything we've felt since when
We held ourselves together close
And now we look back to that ghost
The memory, here like a thread
A sweet desire, mixed with sin
A moment that we yearn for yet
A thirst that we have now to quench.

Invincible.

You told me I was strong once
And I believed you
For at the time
I found myself invincible.

Rose Petals.

I wish I could weave a story
Of rose petals across your eyes
And not fill them with miseries
And not fill them with lies
I wish that for all of your days
You'd see only the truth
But in that truth that you would see
You'd see pretty pictures, too.

Fazoli's.

Stumbling over crumbs
And tripping on rolled mats
Slipping in the bucket
While clutching a garbage can
Spilled drinks to my left
And dirty tables to my right
So when it finally ends
I'll be happy to call it a night.

Korean Blogs.

You thirst for knowledge
And I don't offer assistance
But rather, follow
And laugh on the sidelines
As you fall.

The Fourth.

The fireworks
As passions
Illuminate the soul
And we were in the darkness
Though now we find ourselves
Exposed.

Melanie.

When you leave, we will reminisce
I will tell you I love you
And it will not be a lie
I will tell you you're special
You're an amazing friend, sister
But I promise you,
That at your departure
I'll be smiling.

Napping.

My sweetest dreams come
While in the midst of the shortest naps
Resting restless thoughts on you.
In your arms, I am enthralled
For there I find the sweetest lullabies
And the simplest dreams come true.

The Three

You're a disappointment
In many different ways
Any I'm the fool who'd believed in you
No matter what you'd say.


He's so weak. And me?
I'm left in the dust. Because,
No matter what he says he wants,
It's she who comes out on top.


He's too gentle to hurt her
And too cruel to let her go
He plays with sweet dementia
And I'm left in a throe.

Puzzle Pieces.

Perfectly aligned
As the puzzles in my room
Nothing to confine
But the clothing which we lose
Awkward moments come,
Yet they pass us as they do
Then we come as one,
Though clearly once we were as two.

MOOOOOSE.

I couldn't find the perfect words
To go right to a tune
So instead of writing silly songs
I wrote a poem for you
You're my inspiration, deary
You're my Moosemoose too
You're the reason stars shine bright
If only you always knew.
Brighten up,
Don't fear or fret
No sad moment shall get you.
Brighten up,
Don't be lost, pet
We'll always be here to catch you.
I love my mooseymoose.

Smokestorm.

A cloud descends over the horizon
Some call it doubt,
I call it the ghosts which haunt us
And hope it can only stay for a short while.
Within the fog and smokey mist
We call to each other,
Lost and wanting for a simple touch
That bond that could keep us strong.
We inhale, tears rising to our eyes
Unsure of what comes next
We link hands, and run through it, together
You're my breath of fresh air.

Elixer.

You're beautiful
In every way
And so very unique
A perfect mix
Of mind and soul
A perfect love
For me.

Snubbed.

I don't have a thing for lies
Or for disappointment
I don't approve self injury
I'm not much for silence
I don't like omitted truths
I'm not fond of confusion
I'm not digging your contrasts
And I don't want to find them
But all of this, for you I do
You're lucky I'm in love.

Mosquitos

Parasites
Like the estranged mind
Find their way to soft flesh
Where leave an impression
A reminder of their existence
But, who can judge?
It is their right
To live.

Chatam.

Baron, if you will it
Or my dear if so I choose
But it is not my choice to make
Your name belongs to you
I can't throw a face to you
The plaster parts will break
I can't give a new ID
You must make your own mistakes.

Sorry.

Life could be quite perfect
And you could be complete
And your little precious comments
Would never knock me off my feet.
If only you had fallen
For a different kind of girl
And then you'd have your wish
And you could have all of the world.

Love v. Loving.

Loving one and love
Are now completely different things
And I wish to turn back time
And take back that thing I did
And then make you not remember
And have you near again
And then show you that for you
Loving and love are still the same.

Tomorrow.

The silvery chord runs strong between them
Etched with the hope of tomorrows
And pulls them closer
While another, Thinner,
Draws them apart
One looks towards the other chord
Unsure of the next course of action
And one focuses on the more obvious
And the one who chooses the obvious
Does not want this hopeful thread
To break.

Encryption

We force ourselves
To switch the words
Use simile, metaphor, anything
To keep them guessing
But there is one who understands
The power of encryption
And I allow it, because
This one deserves to know.

Take a chance.

Oh, King of Lonely Souls
How Vast Does Run the River
Between Love and Between Home.

Blackjack.

In this game we deal the cards
And we stick with what we get
We don't alter our hands
We can't twist the fates
You can try as you might,
But there is only shuffle, draw, repeat
Until we realize the issue and fold
And I wonder how long it'll take
For my patience to run thin.

My tutor.

If pain gives us wisdom
Then you are my tutor
And I seem as but a small child in your eyes
In need of another lesson.

My locker.

The locker combination
Was etched into your door
To keep you from forgetting
And to help forevermore
You still have the key
If you haven't lost that sketch
And they haven't bothered changing
All the locker locks quite yet.

The Test.

Who is the paramour
Who is the love
Who is desired
Who is above
Who holds your hand
Who holds your heart
Who will you turn to
When all falls apart
And will she still be there
In sickness and pain
Or will she be broken
And done with the game.

The Web We Weave

We are as spiders
Weaving, in beautiful strokes
We dance across the smallest thread
And form the largest picture
But the threads exit through pores unseen
And if you knew the path
You'd be horrified.

Potential.

There was a rose
That fell from the sky
And intrigued imagination
My curiosity unfurled
As I unfurled those petals
And found within
The beauty of what could have been.

"That" one.

We run through the forest
On winged feet
Dodging the shrubbery
Dodging that one persistent branch
As we run in circles
It always seems to catch us
At our worst.

Growing.

I miss back when things were simple
When we were only kids
When your mom said yes or no
And we could only nod our heads.

Laserquest.

I fell, and found it easy
But I never could have guessed
That although we never met before
I knew what it was it meant
I remember when I saw you
For the first time as a man
And those little secret kisses
That we took both hand in hand
I remember how my hand shook
When I reached to touch your skin
I don't think you ever realized
I too was scared to let you in.

My Confusion.

I just can't, though try
To understand
This sick infatuation
Where you say and do
Two complete contradictions
Just give me a sign.

That Mistake.

You watch
I turn my head away
Hoping that you'll realize
You watch
And in my head I sing
About you that I despise
You think I flirt
You tell a joke
I laugh to break the mood
I think you hope
I want to leave
And in my home, I weep.

Fickle Boy.

You can say I love you to a bunch of different girls
You can smile, you can kiss them
You can buy them lots of pearls
You can hold their hand, as you walk right down the street
You can hold their hand, as you walk right on by me
You can leave cute comments, on their myspace and facebook
You can leave a message, that says only lovely words
You can even think that this will be your destiny
But if you do not know yourself
You don't know anything.

Figure Skaters.

Gliding on ice
Caressing the stone
You spin and you circle
In the hard glow
Inside the spotlight
Assessing your fame
And it's then that you realize
You were in the wrong game.

Marriage

We walk on rocks
We bite our tongues
We hide in fear
We have some fun
And all together
These things join hands
Until they meet
The wedding bands
Commitment, it rings
And you know that it's done
That cold metal, it grips
And takes out all the fun.

Drive me home

I'm waiting for a sign, you know?
That everything's quite fine.
You're meant to be my friend, that's all
But now I've watched that end.
I know I could have stopped it, yes
And I know I didn't try.
I may have made a hint or two
But I guess whatever flies.
Please take me home
I'm unimpressed
I'm scared and helpless
And now you're in
I made this choice
I can't complain
I'm a fool
But what have you gained?

Untitled.

I thought one day
To run quite far
And leave my friends behind
And maybe, just maybe
I'd realize
That leaving my life is to die
But, no it was not
It was actually fun
To start over
And live a new life
And now as I live
I find friends once again
And forget about all my past strife.

I beseech thee.

Do you think
If I beseech you
You might let me in again?

Do you wonder
What could have been
Might king of lonely souls?

Ar you doomed
To find unhappiness
Everywhere you go?

I won't stop you
Though I love you
It's best if I let you roam.

Telepathy.

She wishes she could read your mind
And find the secret truths
Holds her arms out to your soul
And wishes you would, too.

Falling

You could fall into my arms
If I could fall into your heart
If you let me in
I let you in
And we never grow apart

You could fall into my mind
If I could fall into your soul
I am longing
I am waiting
To become two of a kind

Parting.

I guess this is goodbye
So long
I'll miss you
Till my grave

I guess this is goodbye
So long
Please, please
Come again.

Untitled

Scared of losing
What I never had
Questioning
All that I knew
And, for what?
Everything,
And nothing more
Than you.

Longing

I wish that you could see me
In the way that I see you
With that passion in your eyes
That I reserve for you.

Romantic Heroics

I'm not some damsle in distress
I'm not a love that you can win
There's no money here to buy me
There's no reason to try to hide me
There is no romantic tale
Forcing love to twist our fate
There's just me and you
As true lovers do
Living to find our place.

Misfortune and Hope

A mystery
But not to me
A secret fruit
I've peeled
I've found the truth
I fell for you
You let me down
Oh, well.

Under My Nose

Sasha Wilson
Just doesn't understand
How you can be so close
Yet so far away
Under my nose
Yet too far to gain
I'm falling in love
And you're so confused
Lost, in yourself.

Encounters

Did you know
The first I saw you
I was taken by surprise
That a kid with such dimensions
Could have come to catch my eye
I said hi, I watched you wave,
I heard your laugh for the first time
And I know that I was mesmerized,
And so unwilling to pass you by
So now we chat, and we get on
It's almost like you understand
And I know I've found a friend in you
That means more than others have
So let me in, a bit closer
I swear that I won't bite
I've been patient, and with our nice moments
I'll find a way, with you to lie.

Dear Diary

Diary, Diary
Have you fallen in love?
Have you seen what I've seen
Have you done what I've done?
Did you ever think twice
Or get filled with regret?
For I know that I didn't
I ran with the bit
And if you have fallen
On hard ground you'll hit
Then pull yourself up
And start over again
Diary, Diary
Have you ever been hurt?
Have you felt that deep pain
In your stomach, and worse
There's a hole, there's a void
If you get quite upset
You don't want to eat
And you throw silent fits
You never will speak
Not when feeling this pain
Diary, Diary
Do you know what I mean?
Diary, Diary
Have you fallen in love?
Have you lived through this madness
And tried to stand up?
Have you listened and lost
And loosened your grip
Have you seen all the cruelty,
And let it all in
Diary, Diary
For I know that you have
Have you tried to erase it?
Or written it down?

My Cousin

From lower perspectives I look
The table before me higher than any I could reach
I stretch, fumble, and fall
Never hurt, but always wanting.
They look down,
Mouths upturned
In recognition, devotion, love.
For what?
I fumble for the chance to rise to their level
I am beneath them in a world built for their kind
And while I wait, I speculate
I dream of tomorrows,
When understanding shall reign in my mind
When my brow shall not crinkle
In vain devotion to discovery
Though discovery is quite unattainable
I can not grasp
Yet clamp my hands upon empty air
And I drag with me the future
A bright new day
Filled, with hope.

Of Tragedy

Kicking And Screaming
Coughing Up Blood
The Sheets Lit Like Matches
Roar And They Thud
Against A Hard Mattress
Of Liquor And Sweat
Boning The Girl
Who Wants Just One More Hit
To Make Her Forget
All Of This Shit
And Wake In The Morning
Sore But Still Fit
She'll Fight For Her Pride
Though She Knows It's Been Lost
And She'll Fight For Her Freedom
Against All The Odds
She'll Struggle For Hours
And Days Without End
Her Wounds Healing Over
And Starting Again
He Walks In The Room
After Weeks Of The Pain
He Cuts All The Bonds
And Calls It A Game
She Runs For The Door
Panic Flooding Her Veins
And Hits It With Shock
As She Hears The Loud Bang
The Pistol Will Gleam
In The Dim Basement Light
And Up He Will Take Her
Ascending The Flight
Her Body Stays Hidden
As Her Soul Flies Away
She's Kicking And Screaming
Wants Revenge For This Day
You'd Never Expect It
The Cold, Quiet Girl
Wakes From The River
And Lets Down Her Curls
But Some Are Now Missing
In Pieces, As She
And Though She's In Pieces
She's Never At Peace.

Untitled

Remember,
When my grama died
You held me in your arms
I was shocked
And so confused
And you held me safe and strong
I believed you
When you told me
Everything would be all right
Let you hold me
In the car ride
Though I just wanted to cry
And the tears
They didn’t fall
Until you were safely gone away
As soon as car met dark pavement
I let emotions in the fray
Then another, mother, held me close
And waited as I cried
And explained the terms of life and death;
They told me how she died
And as soon as I had learned it
Even though I was still shocked
I wished that you had stayed with me
So you could hold me, and to talk
For I felt all on my own
Though surrounded by my lot
And I missed the feel of your warm soft breath
Upon my fretful thoughts
And I have refrained to warn you
But I've never, ever stopped.

Creative Genius

So one day I woke up
And I said to myself
This is where I want to be
Awake
Alive
Using the world to open the doors of hearts
And I said to myself
Explore
And I tried
But I wasn't allowed out quite so early
And I wasn't allowed to be loud quite so early
And I realized
That this world stifles the creative genius
And I planned to give up
But the television box told me that perseverance is key
Then that character died
So here am I
Unseen
Unheard
And never complaining
Because complaints get you locked up
Whereas passive words
And careful eyes
Get you a small portion of the freedom
That is so dear to you
And here am I
And I hold it all in
But in truth
I've never been so alive.

Nostalgia

Oh, boy
You made my heart soar
How I miss those lovely days
And the pains
Yeah, they were bearable
I miss them all the same
I miss days when we were freer
When our love had room to grow
When that simple beat
Inside your chest
Was mine and mine to hold
I find I still remember
And I just want you to know
That although we're not together
In my heart you stand alone.

Moving On

One short day
While we were young
I told a boy
I was in love
A love that left
And died with time
Because his heart
Was never mine
I think that was
The biggest lie
And as he said
Those simple words
I felt my heart just break
The boy, who said
I was his world
Was just a big mistake
I put my heart
On lock and key
To defend from other boys
I used that as a little shield
And used men just as toys
I met a boy
And held his heart
But never gave him mine
Then I met you
And in you flew
To my unhappy mind
I thought,
"Hey I could love again"
But you wanted much less
And though I thought
That I was strong
I felt you could be next
I have a choice
That I must make
To love or walk away
And if I choose
To fight for you
I hope that I don't pay
When I knew him
I never sang
I never wrote
Or thought
When I knew him
I didn't know
What emotions could be wrought
And now, though I don't have you close
I dream of love again
I sing
I write
I dance all night
Until the morn begins
And even if we're never near
I know that I won't fear
Now I've moved on
And I'll be strong
Because I've let one in.

I fear the words. Why?

Why's it dark?
It blinds my eyes
And wipes away
All trace of lies
Why's it cold?
So very cold
I can not feel the beat
Why's it cramped?
Inside this space
Not room enough
To show your grace
Why's it here?
That I am placed
The pain, I fear
Will soon be faced
I fear the words. Why?

Pushing

So let's pretend we're perfect
So we always can go on
And many years from now
We'll remember this small song
And in the world's whole melody
It will seem to be naught
But focusing on clarity
This war will not be fought.

Bubonic Tolls

The bell rang once
And great tears fell
From eyes which wanted dry

The bell rang twice
And more tears fell
As all hearts waved goodbye

At three we wept
For a short time

At four we wept...
Or not

At five, half could not find a tear
At six we drank our shots

At seven, eight
Nine and ten
We simply bent our heads

Four all of these four deathtolls
Proceeded us to bed

In not an hour
They all rang
And we could not deny

That in this time
Our only time
It was only live, or die.

Young Love

-Is it perfect?
-Why do you ask
We shouldn't take things to extremes
-What is perfect?
-But a word we use
For things only in dreams
If you ask it
Then I'll tell you
Because, know, I'll never lie
It's not perfect
We're not perfect
Perfection is a silly try
-Are we close?
-But never almost there
Silly boy, we're not even near
Perfection is unreachable, my dear
-Do you love me
-Yes, you know this
And I'll never start to stop
-Then it's perfect
And I know this
Perfection is no silly thought.

Euphemistic Love

You're a euphemism, baby
But I won't be deceived
I see fire in your eyes
As you slowly spread dark wings
Your words are dripping love
And it sounds so very sweet
But underneath your lips are fangs
That want a meet-and-greet
I won't say goodbye so quick
Or run and hide in fear
You'll try to lure me in
While all we know is sin
You're a euphemism, baby
But I won't be deceived
So bit your tongue
I'm not impressed
I want to fly
But not like this.

Rebound(Song of the Preppy Chicks)*

Oh my god,
I guess we need this grace
Some people say
As rumors go
You're just a dime a case
Now maybe dime a dozen
Wouldn't be so bad
But in a case
You've no such grace
You're just another fad.

Juliet's Poem

Death
Swiftly
Give way
I shall suffer life no more
The sweet that runs
With those with feet
No more shall be amiss
I've tried to kiss
Those pilgrim lips
No poison lie astray
Now happy dagger
Give my death
Sweet darkness
Please
Take hold.

Interpretations

Words on a page
Their meanings unknown
But for their owner
Interpretations
Sad and futile
Picking at the secret truth
Finding a lie
And calling it true
As though you knew the tale
Words on a page
My words on my page
Their meaning mine and mine alone.

Safety

Safe inside
An empty mind
Safe alone
Inside my soul
Safe away
From pointless pain
Safe from
The unknown
Inside.

Lightning

Instant light
In the night
Lighting my darkest place

Gone so fast
In a blast
One happy moment, slipping away

Just like all the others
It can't be here to stay

While lightning's blinding and binding
It always finds a way

It leaves until the next dark night
You'll call upon the blinding light
And for the briefest moment
Your world will be complete.

Unwanted

People are hiding
In the bushes
The green beyond my house
In the darkness
Unwanted people are alive
Moving quickly
Deliberate jumps
A sly and silent cult
They call out to me
They want me to join them
But I want to be free.

Lullaby

Steady heart
Hear the beat
The beat of a thousand drums

Quickened pace
A dying race
The torture has begun

Slowing down
To a stop
As every drummer dies

One last beat
Sounds so sweet
The one last deadly lullaby.

Anne Frank

I am a girl within the fire
I feel the heart that is in beat
I say only what is within me
I am a loving, dying girl
I see the world that lie before me
I dream of peace within this world
I hear the muffled cries surround me
I try to break through
I am Anne Frank.

So much and Nothing

So much for love
And love in life
So much for sleepovers
And starry nights
So much for all the time we've shares
Because I know that you don't care
Now you've told me to move on
You've made yourself perfectly clear
But those times-
You really want them to disappear?

Doll

It's funny how she's remarkable
Just like a porcelain doll
Quiet until you make her talk
And full of unknown thoughts
She keeps her secrets away from all
And shares with only you
She never falters or makes mistakes
And until you drop her
She's perfect.

Nonexistence

No courage to ask
Or tell my tale
They walk right past
Like I'm not there
They see me not
So should I share?
They're making me
Seem impaired
They hurt by not
Saying a word
And kill when they don't look
I know it may be in my head
But before I die
To them I'm dead.

Love and Hate

Love and hate are never seen
Not with the naked eye
But if you look deeper
Under the skin
You'll find that they lie inside
So look a little closer now
And see the inner me
It's not the person you once saw
But the person you never see.

Crazy

People think I'm just a girl
Living in a crazy world
Waiting for my time to shine
Taking life one step at a time
I'm no ordinary girl
But, yes, this is a crazy world
I may get my time to shine
But I don't wait
I stop and appreciate
The little things in life
This is my time to shine
While I'm young
While I'm strong
While I stand above the throng
I am me
I'm crazy
I'm the person I want to be.

Introduction

In life we have these choices
These decisions that we make
We find a day
We find a job
We find a friend
We find a mate
And in this life
We stop to realize
And look back on our mistakes
But we never stop to wonder
What would happen
If we wait
Then regard the situation
With the deepest of respect
And look back on our emotions
And wish we knew what we thought then.

This blog is to remember
All the phases through my life
And to show you
As I move on
How I've progressed
How I've thrived
How I've lived
And I've remembered
What I felt at certain times
And even though not perfect
I find simplicity is nice.