Untitled

Scared of losing
What I never had
Questioning
All that I knew
And, for what?
Everything,
And nothing more
Than you.

Longing

I wish that you could see me
In the way that I see you
With that passion in your eyes
That I reserve for you.

Romantic Heroics

I'm not some damsle in distress
I'm not a love that you can win
There's no money here to buy me
There's no reason to try to hide me
There is no romantic tale
Forcing love to twist our fate
There's just me and you
As true lovers do
Living to find our place.

Misfortune and Hope

A mystery
But not to me
A secret fruit
I've peeled
I've found the truth
I fell for you
You let me down
Oh, well.

Under My Nose

Sasha Wilson
Just doesn't understand
How you can be so close
Yet so far away
Under my nose
Yet too far to gain
I'm falling in love
And you're so confused
Lost, in yourself.

Encounters

Did you know
The first I saw you
I was taken by surprise
That a kid with such dimensions
Could have come to catch my eye
I said hi, I watched you wave,
I heard your laugh for the first time
And I know that I was mesmerized,
And so unwilling to pass you by
So now we chat, and we get on
It's almost like you understand
And I know I've found a friend in you
That means more than others have
So let me in, a bit closer
I swear that I won't bite
I've been patient, and with our nice moments
I'll find a way, with you to lie.

Dear Diary

Diary, Diary
Have you fallen in love?
Have you seen what I've seen
Have you done what I've done?
Did you ever think twice
Or get filled with regret?
For I know that I didn't
I ran with the bit
And if you have fallen
On hard ground you'll hit
Then pull yourself up
And start over again
Diary, Diary
Have you ever been hurt?
Have you felt that deep pain
In your stomach, and worse
There's a hole, there's a void
If you get quite upset
You don't want to eat
And you throw silent fits
You never will speak
Not when feeling this pain
Diary, Diary
Do you know what I mean?
Diary, Diary
Have you fallen in love?
Have you lived through this madness
And tried to stand up?
Have you listened and lost
And loosened your grip
Have you seen all the cruelty,
And let it all in
Diary, Diary
For I know that you have
Have you tried to erase it?
Or written it down?

My Cousin

From lower perspectives I look
The table before me higher than any I could reach
I stretch, fumble, and fall
Never hurt, but always wanting.
They look down,
Mouths upturned
In recognition, devotion, love.
For what?
I fumble for the chance to rise to their level
I am beneath them in a world built for their kind
And while I wait, I speculate
I dream of tomorrows,
When understanding shall reign in my mind
When my brow shall not crinkle
In vain devotion to discovery
Though discovery is quite unattainable
I can not grasp
Yet clamp my hands upon empty air
And I drag with me the future
A bright new day
Filled, with hope.

Of Tragedy

Kicking And Screaming
Coughing Up Blood
The Sheets Lit Like Matches
Roar And They Thud
Against A Hard Mattress
Of Liquor And Sweat
Boning The Girl
Who Wants Just One More Hit
To Make Her Forget
All Of This Shit
And Wake In The Morning
Sore But Still Fit
She'll Fight For Her Pride
Though She Knows It's Been Lost
And She'll Fight For Her Freedom
Against All The Odds
She'll Struggle For Hours
And Days Without End
Her Wounds Healing Over
And Starting Again
He Walks In The Room
After Weeks Of The Pain
He Cuts All The Bonds
And Calls It A Game
She Runs For The Door
Panic Flooding Her Veins
And Hits It With Shock
As She Hears The Loud Bang
The Pistol Will Gleam
In The Dim Basement Light
And Up He Will Take Her
Ascending The Flight
Her Body Stays Hidden
As Her Soul Flies Away
She's Kicking And Screaming
Wants Revenge For This Day
You'd Never Expect It
The Cold, Quiet Girl
Wakes From The River
And Lets Down Her Curls
But Some Are Now Missing
In Pieces, As She
And Though She's In Pieces
She's Never At Peace.

Untitled

Remember,
When my grama died
You held me in your arms
I was shocked
And so confused
And you held me safe and strong
I believed you
When you told me
Everything would be all right
Let you hold me
In the car ride
Though I just wanted to cry
And the tears
They didn’t fall
Until you were safely gone away
As soon as car met dark pavement
I let emotions in the fray
Then another, mother, held me close
And waited as I cried
And explained the terms of life and death;
They told me how she died
And as soon as I had learned it
Even though I was still shocked
I wished that you had stayed with me
So you could hold me, and to talk
For I felt all on my own
Though surrounded by my lot
And I missed the feel of your warm soft breath
Upon my fretful thoughts
And I have refrained to warn you
But I've never, ever stopped.

Creative Genius

So one day I woke up
And I said to myself
This is where I want to be
Awake
Alive
Using the world to open the doors of hearts
And I said to myself
Explore
And I tried
But I wasn't allowed out quite so early
And I wasn't allowed to be loud quite so early
And I realized
That this world stifles the creative genius
And I planned to give up
But the television box told me that perseverance is key
Then that character died
So here am I
Unseen
Unheard
And never complaining
Because complaints get you locked up
Whereas passive words
And careful eyes
Get you a small portion of the freedom
That is so dear to you
And here am I
And I hold it all in
But in truth
I've never been so alive.

Nostalgia

Oh, boy
You made my heart soar
How I miss those lovely days
And the pains
Yeah, they were bearable
I miss them all the same
I miss days when we were freer
When our love had room to grow
When that simple beat
Inside your chest
Was mine and mine to hold
I find I still remember
And I just want you to know
That although we're not together
In my heart you stand alone.

Moving On

One short day
While we were young
I told a boy
I was in love
A love that left
And died with time
Because his heart
Was never mine
I think that was
The biggest lie
And as he said
Those simple words
I felt my heart just break
The boy, who said
I was his world
Was just a big mistake
I put my heart
On lock and key
To defend from other boys
I used that as a little shield
And used men just as toys
I met a boy
And held his heart
But never gave him mine
Then I met you
And in you flew
To my unhappy mind
I thought,
"Hey I could love again"
But you wanted much less
And though I thought
That I was strong
I felt you could be next
I have a choice
That I must make
To love or walk away
And if I choose
To fight for you
I hope that I don't pay
When I knew him
I never sang
I never wrote
Or thought
When I knew him
I didn't know
What emotions could be wrought
And now, though I don't have you close
I dream of love again
I sing
I write
I dance all night
Until the morn begins
And even if we're never near
I know that I won't fear
Now I've moved on
And I'll be strong
Because I've let one in.

I fear the words. Why?

Why's it dark?
It blinds my eyes
And wipes away
All trace of lies
Why's it cold?
So very cold
I can not feel the beat
Why's it cramped?
Inside this space
Not room enough
To show your grace
Why's it here?
That I am placed
The pain, I fear
Will soon be faced
I fear the words. Why?

Pushing

So let's pretend we're perfect
So we always can go on
And many years from now
We'll remember this small song
And in the world's whole melody
It will seem to be naught
But focusing on clarity
This war will not be fought.

Bubonic Tolls

The bell rang once
And great tears fell
From eyes which wanted dry

The bell rang twice
And more tears fell
As all hearts waved goodbye

At three we wept
For a short time

At four we wept...
Or not

At five, half could not find a tear
At six we drank our shots

At seven, eight
Nine and ten
We simply bent our heads

Four all of these four deathtolls
Proceeded us to bed

In not an hour
They all rang
And we could not deny

That in this time
Our only time
It was only live, or die.

Young Love

-Is it perfect?
-Why do you ask
We shouldn't take things to extremes
-What is perfect?
-But a word we use
For things only in dreams
If you ask it
Then I'll tell you
Because, know, I'll never lie
It's not perfect
We're not perfect
Perfection is a silly try
-Are we close?
-But never almost there
Silly boy, we're not even near
Perfection is unreachable, my dear
-Do you love me
-Yes, you know this
And I'll never start to stop
-Then it's perfect
And I know this
Perfection is no silly thought.

Euphemistic Love

You're a euphemism, baby
But I won't be deceived
I see fire in your eyes
As you slowly spread dark wings
Your words are dripping love
And it sounds so very sweet
But underneath your lips are fangs
That want a meet-and-greet
I won't say goodbye so quick
Or run and hide in fear
You'll try to lure me in
While all we know is sin
You're a euphemism, baby
But I won't be deceived
So bit your tongue
I'm not impressed
I want to fly
But not like this.

Rebound(Song of the Preppy Chicks)*

Oh my god,
I guess we need this grace
Some people say
As rumors go
You're just a dime a case
Now maybe dime a dozen
Wouldn't be so bad
But in a case
You've no such grace
You're just another fad.

Juliet's Poem

Death
Swiftly
Give way
I shall suffer life no more
The sweet that runs
With those with feet
No more shall be amiss
I've tried to kiss
Those pilgrim lips
No poison lie astray
Now happy dagger
Give my death
Sweet darkness
Please
Take hold.

Interpretations

Words on a page
Their meanings unknown
But for their owner
Interpretations
Sad and futile
Picking at the secret truth
Finding a lie
And calling it true
As though you knew the tale
Words on a page
My words on my page
Their meaning mine and mine alone.

Safety

Safe inside
An empty mind
Safe alone
Inside my soul
Safe away
From pointless pain
Safe from
The unknown
Inside.

Lightning

Instant light
In the night
Lighting my darkest place

Gone so fast
In a blast
One happy moment, slipping away

Just like all the others
It can't be here to stay

While lightning's blinding and binding
It always finds a way

It leaves until the next dark night
You'll call upon the blinding light
And for the briefest moment
Your world will be complete.

Unwanted

People are hiding
In the bushes
The green beyond my house
In the darkness
Unwanted people are alive
Moving quickly
Deliberate jumps
A sly and silent cult
They call out to me
They want me to join them
But I want to be free.

Lullaby

Steady heart
Hear the beat
The beat of a thousand drums

Quickened pace
A dying race
The torture has begun

Slowing down
To a stop
As every drummer dies

One last beat
Sounds so sweet
The one last deadly lullaby.

Anne Frank

I am a girl within the fire
I feel the heart that is in beat
I say only what is within me
I am a loving, dying girl
I see the world that lie before me
I dream of peace within this world
I hear the muffled cries surround me
I try to break through
I am Anne Frank.

So much and Nothing

So much for love
And love in life
So much for sleepovers
And starry nights
So much for all the time we've shares
Because I know that you don't care
Now you've told me to move on
You've made yourself perfectly clear
But those times-
You really want them to disappear?

Doll

It's funny how she's remarkable
Just like a porcelain doll
Quiet until you make her talk
And full of unknown thoughts
She keeps her secrets away from all
And shares with only you
She never falters or makes mistakes
And until you drop her
She's perfect.

Nonexistence

No courage to ask
Or tell my tale
They walk right past
Like I'm not there
They see me not
So should I share?
They're making me
Seem impaired
They hurt by not
Saying a word
And kill when they don't look
I know it may be in my head
But before I die
To them I'm dead.

Love and Hate

Love and hate are never seen
Not with the naked eye
But if you look deeper
Under the skin
You'll find that they lie inside
So look a little closer now
And see the inner me
It's not the person you once saw
But the person you never see.

Crazy

People think I'm just a girl
Living in a crazy world
Waiting for my time to shine
Taking life one step at a time
I'm no ordinary girl
But, yes, this is a crazy world
I may get my time to shine
But I don't wait
I stop and appreciate
The little things in life
This is my time to shine
While I'm young
While I'm strong
While I stand above the throng
I am me
I'm crazy
I'm the person I want to be.

Introduction

In life we have these choices
These decisions that we make
We find a day
We find a job
We find a friend
We find a mate
And in this life
We stop to realize
And look back on our mistakes
But we never stop to wonder
What would happen
If we wait
Then regard the situation
With the deepest of respect
And look back on our emotions
And wish we knew what we thought then.

This blog is to remember
All the phases through my life
And to show you
As I move on
How I've progressed
How I've thrived
How I've lived
And I've remembered
What I felt at certain times
And even though not perfect
I find simplicity is nice.